I need Jesus...

So this is my blog right? Do we all agree on that? So that would give me the freewill to talk about anything in here right. So I feel like being real and talking about exactly how I have been feeling lately.

So Im in this state of going to church and not really getting into anythin. Why you ask its because I feel like a hypocrite if I even try to pray or raise a hand and praise God. I just can't do it ya know. Im not going to put on a front or an act and pretend that I am doing good and everything is just peachy,cause its not. Its like you know where u are in God and you know that you can do better but if you even try it just seems like your going to hit the ground all over again. Which is not fun at all. I know I know when you fall just get back up again. Easier said than done though,it really is.

There is this side of me that just wants to live 110% for God and no holding back. But then there is this other side of me that just thinks that by just going to church and makin an appearence here and there is ok. But really I know that its not okay. Don't get me wrong I love God. Cause I really do. Its just all of these other things that I have let into my life and I feel like I can't go on. Even if I were to give up and get rid of these things that I just think that I would feel the same I don't know anymore seriously I don't know. I have been in church for almost 7 years now I think of all the great times that I had in church getting all on fire for God doing things for Him. Having awesome services and wanting to go to church all the time and just have a time but now it just seems like its impossible for me to have that again.

Ahhhh I just wanna cry. *sniff sniff*

Anyways Dona is coming tomorrow or I mean today if we are being all technical and such..she should be here around 10am along with Trisha! So I guess Ry is going to come and pick up Trisha and take her home with him for the weekend thats nice. Awww Trisha and Ryan time. :D Cute.

So I guess this weekend is Youth Convention that shall be swell eh? Hmm never heard of this guy that is preaching but it should be a good time. Maybe something will help me get back to where I need to be with God and everything will just kinda work its way out ya know...

Well I shall go now and call my boyfriend and say goodnight and all that fun stuff.

Till next time!